Grandparents to the Rescue

            "I can no longer help my son but I can help my grandson." These heartbroken words of a middle-aged man resonated with pain as he described his son who was in jail for drug violations. He is one of  nearly 2.5 million grandparents in the United States who are the primary caretakers of more than 4.5 million grandchildren, according to the 2000 census. The statistics also indicate that 5.8 million grandparents have their grandchildren living with them. Thirty-nine percent of the grandparent caregivers have taken care of their grandkids for five or more years. In Michigan alone, 60,000 grandparents care for their grandchildren because of the parents' abuse of drugs.
            Teen pregnancy, poverty, drug abuse, death, imprisonment and mental illness have rendered parents incapable of caring for their children. This phenomenon crosses socioeconomic boundaries - from the rich to the homeless.
            Though preventing the child the pain of foster care, and saving taxpayers an estimated $6.5 billion a year, these grandparents experience a heavy financial drain and also face the tough challenge of testifying against their children in court in order to win custody of the grandchildren.

            The grandparents' physical health takes a toll also. A study of 13,392 women caring for grandchildren indicated that the risk of heart disease for women reporting nine or more hours of child care per week was 55% higher than women providing no care to grandchildren. However, in those grandmothers caring for grandchildren, having a job outside the home appeared to decrease this risk somewhat.

            Some grandparents live in fear that the parent will take the child back before he or she is ready. If the parent never visits, there is lingering pain. How to affirm the child is a challenge when he/she is being rejected by the parent. Legal aspects of guardianship, foster parenting and adoption are usually unknown.
            An often-expressed regret is missing out on being grandparents. As committed as they are to their grandchildren, there still is the feeling of "this isn't what I planned." The sense of loss is especially painful when their own child failed as a parent. It is exhausting to raise a child at a later age. According to one grandmother, "Naps may become a luxury."
            You’re Not Alone, an organization that ministers to pastors who have children abusing drugs or alcohol, has completed a survey of grandparents who are caretakers for their grandchildren whose parents abuse drugs or alcohol.

            The anguish was obvious. Some questions the grandparents asked  in response to the questionnaire were:

• What can you  do or how can you handle it when the grandchildren are living in a home where both parents abuse alcohol and "bombs" drop there daily and neither parent will go for treatment or stop drinking?
• My husband and I are raising our 8-year-old granddaughter while her mother is living her life out with a man and his three daughters. My daughter admitted using marijuana but doesn't admit other drugs, but her body says it. She wants us to leave her daughter with her several hours a week at her 'home' where strangers come and go from their home and jail. I do not like it, but I am struggling with refusing the visit. My husband and I are in conflict. We want her to come to our home to visit our granddaughter. Is it enabling to do it her way?
• How do you tell grandparents when you know this may be upsetting that other grandchildren may be lying to them and stealing from them?
• I am raising my 16-year-old grandson. My daughter is a cocaine addict. I have not had contact with her for 14 years. I have had my grandson since he was six months old. He wants to meet his mother. I am frightened to allow them to meet. What should I do?
• Our daughter won’t work or go to meetings. I have let of  her but I need some direction on what I should ask about her plans and if she plans to become a responsible parent. Or do my husband and I become the guardians of our granddaughter?
• What should our attitude be to a daughter in law who refuses to stop taking drugs. We raised their children.
•  I have four young grandchildren. Can you speak to the early signs to watch for if a child is in trouble?
• My grandson has been at a rehab center. Both his mother and father are dead. He was an honor student in high school and had a full scholarship to college. H went for two years. Then drugs and drinking took over. We are in touch and I do have a phone number to reach him. The last talk on my birthday he told me he was working at this church with the youth. It seems like he has turned his life over to the Lord. But, he has lied to me so many times I have a hard time believing anything he tells me. His brothers and sisters are waiting for him to call them. I try not to ask too many questions. He knows that I love him very much. I pray for him each day. Do you have any more suggestions on how I can help?
• I had to call Child Protection Services to have them take my grandchildren because my daughter, their mother, is using drugs and was not taking care of them. Now, my daughter will not speak to me. Do you have any advice for me?
             
              Grandparents' agony can be severe.
              And yet, there can be a healthy pride, as demonstrated by this grandparent.
              We have raised a granddaughter for 20 years without financial help. She just graduated from college. For 11 years she was in special education. She was a cheerleader in high school and junior college. She was on the swim team and played water polo in high school. Her mother was never around but did see her graduate from college. At the time we took her into our home our city would rather have put her in a foster home than have her live with grandparents. We are quite proud of our granddaughter.
  

            The first series of questions we asked of the surveyed grandparents pertained to the theme: "Initial Discovery."

            "How did you determine the child was being hurt that prompted you to intervene? What were the circumstances? Was there one precipitating event? What action did you take? Was Protective Services informed, and if so, how long did you wait to inform? How many miles separate you from the grandchild and are you even able to help?"

            Responses to these questions are best summed up with the following reports.

The single event.

• I received a call from the local police department to come and pick up my grandson. My daughter was being arrested for possession of cocaine, and child endangerment.
•  The child was dropped off at my house when she was three, after she was taken away from her mother by Children's Protective Services because of neglect.

Multiple events.

• There was no one event -- but many. We knew both parents loved the children, but they weren't parenting, they weren't working, and they weren't providing. The first intervention was a warning, which was not heeded. Finally, we met with the Department of Human Services to discuss the issue -- but the problems continued. (Much more was written by these particular grandparents about the frustration of working with Protective Services who would do nothing proactive.) They needed more evidence that the children were being harmed - not just the grandparents' concern. We had documented the evidence very graphically - to no avail.
• We had seen our grandchild pretty much daily since birth, and were hopeful our daughter could raise him as a single mother. However, there were signs of concern with auto safety, tension with apartment neighbors and management, even police at her door. We intervened to take custody, telling our daughter she could live alone, get help or contact our CSD (State Child Services Division) herself.

            The second series of questions pertained to:

"Protecting The Grandchild's Welfare."

            "Who has custody of the grandchild/grandchildren at this time? Is the grandchild in any danger at this time? Are there other options for the child's adoption? (Other than grandparents adopting?) If you have not adopted the child, what steps must the parent take to receive custody? Are there other steps you are taking or need to take for the benefit of your grandchild? Is the child allowed to see his/her parent? If so, on what basis? Are there protective boundaries? Does the other set of grandparents have visitation rights or is there a more flexible arrangement for more influence and help? Why doesn't the child's 'other' parent have custody?"
            "Legal guardianship or custody is the key to the kingdom when it comes to accessing services for children that everyone takes for granted," explained Mary Bissell, an attorney for the Children's Defense Fund. However, in our survey, we saw the gamut of guardianship responses from, My drug abusing child still has custody of our grandchild and DHS won't do anything about it, to full guardianship, to adoption.

Some responses to the protection of the grandchild were:

• I have guardianship of my grandson. He has not seen or heard from his mother since he was 2 years. old. I do not know who the father is. My  daughter was with several men during that time, using drugs heavily and was unable to name the father. I am a single grandparent raising my grandson, now 16 years old.
• Their mother is the current caretaker who has custody but she continues to use and abuse. Today, she was to start a job -- but did not show.  Why should she work, when she can work the system?  The biggest danger is emotional trauma. There is also risk if the mother passes out, they could harm themselves. They are also not in a safe neighborhood -- but a bad part of town next to a factory and within walking distance of a number of bars and known drug dealers. If DHS takes the children, they are supposed to go into the foster care system. We have a notarized statement from our son stating his desires that they go to live with his parents. Unfortunately the mother (they are not married) has a similar legal document. The maternal grandparent knows "the system" and has trained her daughter well. Custody by the grandparents would be a battle; the best solution would be for one (or both) of the parents to get sober and become responsible. If that does not happen, it will be hard to keep the grand kids out of the foster care system. From a legal standpoint, the best we can hope for is visitation -- in spite of attempts by us to put their welfare first. I continue to see them and spend time with them. It is hard for them to understand why their dad isn't there -- and why their mom "sleeps" all of the time.

Options other than adoption seemed to vary, ranging from both sets of grandparents battling over

the child, to grandparents battling with Protective Services, to warfare with foster care, to permanent guardianship.

            Most of the children in the survey could see their parent(s), some only under supervision. Some parents were not interested in contact with the child, others were incarcerated, others would not meet the condition of sobriety for meeting the child.

            There appeared to be very little contact or cooperation between both sets of grandparents for the welfare of the child. Most contact was adversarial.

            The non-custodial parent usually didn't have custody because they were abusers themselves; or, because of divorce or illegitimacy, the other parent wasn't around.

            The third series of questions related to:

"The Child."

            "Do you talk to the grandchild about their drug-dependent parent? If so, how do you talk to the grandchild about their drug-dependent parent? How do you give money to the grandchild without the parent getting it for drugs? Do you feel you must choose between child and grandchild to help the grandchild?"
            Responses varied regarding talking to the grandchild about their parent. Some were too young to understand. Others said they communicated at the age level of understanding.

• I have always been open and honest with my grandson about the circumstances surrounding his mother, her drug use, my lack of knowledge about his father, and how he came into my care. We have a very open, honest and strong  relationship.
• Another said, We talk often. Her parents drug abuse and her own ADHD (which she blames on her parents) have caused the child to be adamantly against drug use.
• I have told her how they both started skipping school, then running away, succumbing to peer pressure, not graduating and  starting doing drugs when 15.She can see the effects that it has had on them and on her.
  
  

The money issue

•  I wouldn't give her money if they were around as her dad took all her piggy bank money and gift money when she was with him. I would buy her what she needs.
• we buy diapers, clothes, take them for treats -- but no longer give money.
• We struggled re: giving money at Christmas time since that is our normal gift. We were fearful it would be spent on drugs. But, we did not think we should give nothing. So, we decided to give gift certificates to places like Target. This was a tough decision to make.
• My mother had 6 grandkids. She gave each $1000 at Christmas. When my son was using pot I asked her to give him $100. Later, when when he was clean she gave him $2000 to $3000 sort of to make up for what he had not gotten.
• When our son and his wife  asked us for a loan to pay the mortgage payment, we said no…after a lot of soul searching. We decided if they were going to used drugs and not work that we would not help. This was a tough decision because it was complicated by the grandkids…whom we did not want to hurt.
• I had a friend who challenged me with these words: “You say the inheritance is bad for our son…yet, you keep trying to help him manage and maximize the money. Maybe the best thing for him is to squander all the money.” That was hard to accept but it was good advice. I accepted it and have not offered any advice since then.
  
  

Choosing between child and grandchild

• I choose the grandchild.
• Fortunately, my son is now taking steps to help himself, but there is no way to know if it will be successful. (He has tried and failed before.)
• I reached a point when my grandson was 6 months old that I could no longer help my daughter, but I wanted and needed to focus on the well being and care of my grandson.

            The fourth set of questions addressed:

"the grandparents' own spiritual, mental, marital, emotional well-being."

"What is the hardest part of your grandparenting experience? What feelings do you experience? How do you handle these feelings? It has been said, "God can be very close when drugs invade your family." Have you found this to be true? Why or why not? How do you pray effectively when your heart is broken? How do you take care of yourself - to maintain your own spiritual, emotional and mental health?"

The hardest part of your grandparenting experience

• Seeing  innocent children impacted by behaviors that will inflict a lifetime of emotional damage.
• When our son was using, I had a fear that he would not take care of his children. There was never any evidence that such was happening but I was fearful nevertheless. It was something I had to continually give to God.
• Being 59, having raised five children, we now have a teenager again, one with so many problems.
• Hardest part is impact on my wife, who has MS, turns 50, and now is devoted to an adopted son for at least 15 more years or so, at home. We love the opportunity and the chance to make a difference, but we are tired, weary and stretched beyond where we were before making the commitment. I am in recovery, so get huge support from friends in AA and (less so, but wonderfully) Al-Anon.
• The drug abuse literally tore my family apart. My husband and I divorced 10 years ago. My older son and I are still close. My daughter is estranged from the family  and I pray she is clean and sober. My grandson wants to seek her out when he is  eighteen, I am praying that all will go well with that meeting, even though  it is still two years away.  The early years of raising my grandson were difficult in the sense that I was  not prepared to start over. All my children were grown and gone. I have felt at  times, very alone. Most of my friends are dealing with grown kids, being "normal"  grandparents, thinking of retirement, planning on travel, etc. I was suddenly  thrown back into diapers, day care, preschool, and then onto elementary school, etc. I was back into PTA meetings and driving kids to soccer practice. The  parents of his friends are of course younger, and I have found myself not fitting into either category...parent or grandparent.
• How do my husband and I plan for our own lives when we need to take care of our granddaughter  who’s mother won’t work or won’t get help for her addiction?
             
  

feelings experienced

• Most reported feelings of anger, fear, hopelessness, worry, guilt, loss, sadness, and an acute sense of helplessness.
• one person responded: i feel betrayed by God because we did all we could to "train up a child in the way he should go...," and it didn't work. However, I know the last chapter hasn't been written.
• We had a fear for the grandkids…what were they having modeled for them by our son  not working, lounging and lazying around…and living off a small inheritance?
• There are three grandkids…two of them are step grandchildren and one is biological. We had a fear that if our son kept smoking pot it would ultimately destroy the marriage…and we would not see the two step grandkids again. Even worse, if both he and his wife kept smoking pot than the father might take the two kids…and he is not a healthy person.

How do you handle these feelings?

• I found that I had to say, “God, I can not do anything here but pray and rely on You. Please work in my son's life.”
• Sometimes I just cry. I stay in my Bible, read books or articles on the issues to gain insight and understanding.
• I try to focus on other things; right now, work is my "drug of choice." As much as I try to "let go and let god," it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I know what is right; I know what has to be done. but knowing and doing are separate issues.
              (It was interesting to note that most respondents to the survey didn't answer this question. Could it be that feelings were denied or  productively handling feelings is an obscure skill?)

God can be close when drugs invade your family

• if i tried to deal with this myself, i would not be able to function.
• It is true. In my case I would not say that all the fear has diminished, that would be similar to saying I never am tempted in any way, I never succumb to temptation in any way, etc. But, the fact that I believe God is working and has shown that He is working gives me great comfort. It is interesting as a grandparent. I believe I love the grandchildren as much as I did my own kids when they were little. But, as a grandparent one can not insert himself as I did when I was the parent. Therefore, I can only pray...or ask God to create opportunities to talk to my son about what drugs in his life could ultimately do to his son's life.
• There have been many rough times. Many times that I find myself not wanting to be the parent of a teen at age 57. But through it all I find my faith has  grown, and I know God has been guiding me through the past 16 years. I would do it all over again in a minute, without any hesitation. My grandson's life would be  very different if he had been left with a drug addicted mother, or shuffled from foster home to foster home. I am grateful that he has been with me during these years.

how do you pray effectively when your heart is broken

• With tears and by asking for prayer from others.
• “God, I need help. I do not know how to pray. I do not know how You are going to work. But, please work.”
• The support of one close relative has helped me get this far. My aunt, who sadly passed away a month ago, was a retired nun. She would call me once a month at least to tell me what a wonderful thing I was doing taking in my granddaughter, that she knew how hard a job it was, and that I would get my reward in Heaven. She also sent my granddaughter an encouraging note and money every month. Her words still ring in my ear, and I miss her greatly. (She was 92)
• When I pray with a broken heart (and it surely is), it is with faith and hope in what we do not see...working on letting go and letting God...praying for wisdom for us, wisdom for our daughter, protection, that God would bring beauty from ashes, and redeem the years the locusts have eaten. Prayer for conviction, healing, deliverance, victory, binding of Satan, encouragement in righteousness, forgiveness and reconciliation in a sick marriage (they merely coexist), etc.

How do you take care of yourself

            It was interesting to note that very little response was received to this specific question, though comments were interspersed with the other questions that indicated that there was a great dependency on God for self-care. One person summarized it in the following manner:

• I go to church, 12-step meetings, exercise, make ourselves available to others in similar situations and generally try to enjoy life's circumstances. We generally do not keep secrets--family and friends can handle the truth and learn from it. Without exception, they are supportive.
• Another said, I stay in the Bible and read books or articles on the issues to gain insight and understanding.

            The last category on the grandparenting survey was entitled:

"Further Thoughts."

            "Do you have any further suggestions for grandparents contemplating intervention. If you had the intervention to do all over again, would you do anything differently?"

            Common consensus was, Intervene sooner then we did. Do it at first suspicion. Know your legal rights before getting involved. Get information and possible assistance from your county's department of human services. In some counties you must qualify as foster parents and go through mandated mediation.

            One person challenged grandparents in this manner: Do everything you can to get your grandchildren out of a bad situation, because it takes years to repair the damage that living with a drug addict can do to a child. Don't worry about your child if you've done everything you can to help them, because you can't help them, they have to help themselves. Children can't help themselves - they don't know how - so don't worry about your child - worry about your grandchildren - they need you.

            The final question asked on the survey was:

"What other issues in this phenomenon have we not addressed?"

• I think with the overwhelming number of grandparents raising grandchildren,  it would be so helpful to have a Christian based support group for grandparents. A  place where we can meet and share our stories, give emotional support, share ideas and offer solutions through the experiences of other grandparents.
• the heartbreak of watching innocent victims of abuse. when i see my grandson hold his ears when his parents argue ... when i see both boys in dirty clothes and dirty faces ... when i see them both brought up to know no other way - and KNOWING to what extent heredity is a factor in addictive behavior -- and the odds of history continuing to repeat itself, my heart breaks.
• How to help without enabling?
• Non-custodial grandparenting wasn’t mentioned in our survey. One couple addressed the issue in this manner (names changed): We are non-custodial grandparents endeavoring to play a supportive role in our grandson, Troy’s, life. Carin is Troy’s maternal grandmother and is his caretaker. We have developed a close friendship and have been a real support to each other. We keep her aware of when our son, Bob, is back to abusing drugs so that she can protect Troy from his daddy. Our other son, Ray, has made a special effort to include Troy in many of his activities and attend his sporting events, etc. God has shown us that to be consumed with what Bob is doing would be a lack of trust and ingratitude for all the blessings and joy He has brought into our lives. We look for what God is doing around us and in living our lives. God has enabled us to experience true joy in the midst of our pain and sorrow. God has given us much and we are so very grateful. At one point, I was struggling with “How do I keep hope when what I see is to hopeless?” and God graciously gave me, through reading His word, that just as He instructed Israel to recall all that He had done, I too am to remember the miracles of God I’ve seen in our family and the lives of others and that gives me hope and faith for the present and future. Bottom line – God is a God of the impossible. He is in control and we trust Him.

Suggestions for grandparents.

Words of wisdom

            Gary Small, MD, a psychiatrist and director of the Center on Aging at UCLA School of Medicine, recommends to grandparents who are raising their grandchildren, "After child care and dinner are over, take a walk with a spouse or friend and talk about your day. Also, make sure you get enough sleep. And balance 'work hours' with 'play hours.'" And, if it is not possible to take that walk, try to talk on the telephone to a trusted friend.

             For those wrestling with guilt and self-blame, wondering what they did wrong, it often takes a while to realize truth. Truth is: they weren't perfect parents; but, it was the choices their children made that prompted the grandparents coming to the rescue of their grandchildren.

            Grandparents benefit greatly by participating in support groups that provide a social network, information and family activities.

            The county in which you live may have social service agencies that can provide help and information to "grandfamilies," from maneuvering through the maze of financial aid to support groups and other programs.

Don't lose hope!

            Hope is a key ingredient to our enjoyment of life. And, yet, when we are grandparents...tired and weary grandparents...raising our grandchildren, it is sometimes difficult to achieve hope. The challenge of raising grandchildren is exacerbated by the pressure and pain of knowing our children are in trouble and not doing well because of their abuse of or addiction to drugs/alcohol.

            How do we find hope in these tiring and sometimes dire circumstances? We must remember that hope is not something we muster up. Rather it is a response to our belief that God in His sovereignty is in control and will work all things for our good. But, it is often hard to believe that in view of the circumstances in which we find ourselves. We have prayed so hard, so diligently and so faithfully for our children and they have rejected every value and responsibility we have endeavored to teach them.

            So, how do we move forward with hope? When we are lacking hope we are looking solely at the circumstances. Somehow we have to be able to realize our inability to create hope. It is similar to the alcoholic/addict acknowledging that he or she is powerless over the drug. We are powerless to see beyond the circumstances. At this moment we have to renew our dependence on God. Our prayer would sound something like this: "Dear Father, I am down. I am powerless over my lack of hope. I cast myself on You again. I ask You to work in my life in a new way. You are the powerful God. I am Your humble (truly humbled) servant. Please work in my life. I want to hope for the future but I am worn out."

Reclaiming hope.

            So how do we move forward with hope? Live authentically like King David as described in Psalm 13. Oh Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day.  David continues his lament for two more verses, then closes the chapter with: But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because You have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He has been so good to me.

            Our focus shifts from painful circumstances (soul anguish) to trusting in God's grace and mercy to walk through the valley with us and use the heart sorrow for our good and His glory. Memorizing the chapter, especially the last two verses and bringing it to recall daily would be a productive exercise in maintaining hope.

            After reading this section on hope in the Notalone Website, one person wrote: “your words on “hope” were the most encouraging to me. I have kept that section in my Bible.”

The following story graphically summarizes our study. (Names have been changed.)

             Thank you for giving us this opportunity to share our experience about raising our grandson, Jack. Our daughter, Mary, has been in and out of our home for the last two years due to problems with drugs and alcohol.      

            Mary was sixteen when Jack was born, so both her and Jack have always lived at home with us. Mary completed high school, then completed cosmetology school and received her state license.

            Jack’s father, Ray, and his family, have always been involved in his life. Mary and Ray have had an unstable relationship for most of Mary’s life due to immaturity and poor communication skills. Their relationship worsened to the point that we felt that Jack was being affected.

            We discovered, much to our surprise, that when a child is born outside of marriage, that neither parent has custody unless the courts assign custody to one of the parents. Grandparents have little rights in this area, even when the parents are minors.

            When Mary was eighteen, she finally made the decision to apply for custody of Jack. The court proceedings and attorney visits were costly and emotionally draining, but Mary was awarded custody. Ray was to pay for child support, and visitation times were set up. For the next year or so things seemed to go fairly well.

            When Mary was nineteen, things began to unravel. She did not come home at night at her curfew time. She came home acting strange, sometimes smelling of smoke and alcohol. We confronted her on several occasions. the situation just progressively got worse. When she did not come home until the next day on a few occasions, we warned her that she could not stay at home if the behavior continued.

            One night she returned early in the morning with a girlfriend. They had been drinking a lot, and I told them to go to bed and that we would talk in the morning. Mary was supposed to take Jack to school that morning, as we were both to be at work early. When I left for work, I told her friend to go home, as Mary had to function as a mother, and did not have time to hang out with her. After I got to work, I did not have a good feeling about the situation at home, and left work to come home. When I arrived home, I found Mary at home, her friend still there. They had both been taking some drugs and alcohol. They were out of it. Mary could not even sit up at the bedside, she was so loaded. I asked where Jack was, and Mary could not remember where he was for a few seconds, then said that she had driven him to school with her friend. I was very angry that they had put Jack in danger. I ordered her friend to leave our home.

            Mary was told that this was the “last straw”, and that nothing like this could happen again. Mary made a decision to leave home and go stay with some friends. Her life continued to go downhill for the next few months. We had to make a decision to involve Jack’s father in the problem. Ray went to court, and currently has temporary custody of Jack. The court states that Jack will continue to live with us. Ray has visitation with Jack on Tuesday and Thursday evenings and every other Saturday night.   

            As we  write this, Mary has been missing for the last three months. We have seen her only once in the  last six months. She is now twenty three, Jack is seven. We have discovered that Mary has been in the hospital a few times recently, as we have received medical bills at our home address. Mary has a  probable diagnosis of bipolar disorder, as  well as fibromyalgia and a mild case of a connective tissue disorder. She has had several ruptured ovarian cysts also. She has refused to take the medications for the bipolar disorder. Her frequent trips to emergency rooms for chronic pain problems has put her into a dependency on prescription drugs. Her behavior recently suggests that she is heavily involved in the use of methamphetamines. As parents, we go to bed many nights wondering where our daughter is tonight. Is she sick or hurt, hungry or crying out to God as we are?

            Jack is a second grader as we write, and he has his own struggles with his mommy being gone. He prays for her at night, asking that she will come home to stay. Sometimes he doesn’t ask about her for a day or two, but then he will ask us about her, or will tell us something that is on his heart.

            Sometimes just a small thing will trigger an emotional response. We were at the mall one day recently, and Jack said, “My Mommy  was here.” We asked him how could he know that and he said, "I can smell the perfume that Mommy wears.” Another time that he was praying for her, he said, “Mom can have my guardian angel, cause i don’t need him right now.” Such words and thoughts from a child!

            As grandparents in our fifties, the work of being a parent again is tough at times. The  job is hard, but God has put us in this place for a reason. As we write, Jack has been diagnosed with having dyslexia. Spelling and writing homework seem to be so difficult for him. We thank god for a wonderful Christian school where he has a resource teacher who is working with him. Ray pays for Jack’s school tuition, and his parents help us with private tutoring.

            We can only pray that God watches over our daughter and grandson through this time in our lives. Sometimes we feel like giving up, but then something happens that brings us back to the basics, “God is in control.”           

 Sources: Adapted from Parade Magazine, p.4, July 20, 2003: GRANDPARENTS TO THE RESCUE"

            American Journal of Public Health, Nov. 2003

            The Detroit News and Free Press, Oct.12, 2003

            AARP's Grandparent Information Center, Washington, D.C.