Help for Parents with kids abusing drugs or alcohol.

How do I have hope when things look so bleak?

A lack of hope is something most parents experience when we discover our child is abusing drugs or alcohol. This news assaults our spiritual and emotional senses and it is difficult to keep one's spiritual balance. A parent is not a "bad Christian" or lacking in faith when this occurs.

Colossians 1:27 has helped many parents. In this passage Paul says, "Christ in us is the hope of glory." A number of parents have looked at this verse, thought of heaven and then worked "backwards" from the thought of heaven to the present day circumstances, which have been bleak. They realized if they could trust God for their eternal future, then they could trust Him in the present.
One pastor said at the funeral of his son who died of an accidental overdose of prescription drugs, "God is here, God is good and that is enough." It is easy to blame God, get angry with Him and think He has forsaken us. We must remember God did not plan or determine these circumstances for us; He just wants to be a "very real help in our time of trouble."
A pastor told a widow at her husband's funeral something that he later realized helped him in his child's battle with drugs. His words of advice to the widow were, "When you get home, God will be there. You may have to look for Him but He will be there." Within two or three weeks the widow told her pastor, "It is lonely, but He is there." God is there with us parents whose kids abuse drugs and alcohol.
The recovering addict/alcoholic learns to live one day at a time. The parent must do the same. The future can look so overwhelming. Parents who learn to walk one day at a time seem to function the best. We have known parents who have even broken up the day into thirds. If life is good until breakfast, they thank God. If it is good until lunch, they thank God, etc. For help on this one day at a time principle, read the transcriptions of the talks that John and Susan Vawter gave entitled, "Darling, Please Don't Shoot Me I'm Hurting, Too." and "How Drugs and Alcohol Impact Your Marriage". We think you will see what a difference a year can make, living life one day at a time.

Be encouraged by these words written by a father who discovered in 1984 that his son was an addict. The parents had some rough days, as we all do, but they kept their eyes on the future and did not give up hope. "Our family was together for a reunion recently. It gave us a time to be together without having to cook, clean, etc. We could just enjoy doing everything together. What touched us the most was seeing the fantastic change in our son, from being heavily involved in drugs and in rebellion sixteen years ago, to seeing him today. He is now involved in men's ministry, praying for the sick and is really tuned into what God has in store for him. Just to sit and listen to him share without adding our "two cents" worth is priceless.

Finally, as it relates to hope, Ruth Myers' book, 31 Days of Praise, (Multnomah Press, 1994) is proving to be a great source of encouragement and hope for parents with kids who are abusing alcohol or drugs. Please take the time to mediate on this prayer found on page 94 of her book.

"Thank You that You plan to use for good the struggles my loved ones face--including their disappointing choices, their unwise or even harmful ways of thinking and living, and their sidetracks from going Your way (as I see it--and, Lord, I know I could be wrong!).

I praise You in advance for the part of these difficult things are going to play in Your good plan for us--in eventual deliverance and growth and fruitfulness. I'm grateful that in all these things, the battle is not mine but Yours...and that the final chapter has not yet been written. How good it is that I can call on You to give me wisdom to know what to say or not say, what to do and not do...and that You live in me so that I can love with Your love, even when it's hard. Thank You that these trials force me to trust You more!

I worship before You, my King and my God. I'm grateful that You command victories for Your people....and that "all things are Your servants." You're a God who acts on behalf of the one who puts his hope in You. Thank You that You are at work to answer my prayers in Your good way and time.

Thank You for past victories You have won in my loved ones' lives--for progress and growth and answered prayer--and for the victories we will yet see in the future, to the glory of Your Name. I praise You that as times goes by, in new ways You will show us Your goodness in the land of the living."