The call started out ominously “Mom and Dad, are you sitting down?”  We weren’t, but our son continued, “Stephanie is using heroin.” 

The immediate emotional shock of learning our daughter was using heroin went beyond description.  We were devastated, depressed, fearful for her life, guilt-stricken, and filled with questions about our parenting skills. 

How could such a thing happen?  Our wonderful daughter had fallen into the world of heroin without our knowing it.  What signals had we missed?  How could we have been so blind?  How had she been so successful in lying to us? 

Despite the shutting down of our emotional systems, my wife Susan and I knew we had to spring into action.  We lived in Phoenix; our daughter lived in Denver.  But we could not locate her. After several calls, we learned she was in Juarez, Mexico.  Was she alive?  Was she in prison?  God seemed so remote. 

This day of pain was my first Sunday as pastor at Bethany Community Church.  I had recently resigned as president of Phoenix Seminary to return to pastoral ministry.  So, we were not new to the area but new to the church. 

Through a lot of detective work, we learned the next day that Stephanie was returning to her home Monday night.  We went to Denver, made arrangements for her at a detox center, and waited.  When she returned home, we walked in unannounced and said, “We know you have been lying to us and that you have been using heroin.  We want you to come with us to get help.”  Her response was two-fold:  “Okay.  But I will not go cold-turkey, because I have tried to quit ten times and thought I was going to die each time.”  We learned later that she had cried out to God many times for deliverance; her purse was full of cards with Bible verses related to God’s protection and deliverance.   

She went to detox and by Thursday was declared ready for treatment.  She chose to come to Phoenix to the very hospital where my brother had been chief of staff of cardiology.  When she checked in, a number of people asked her if she was related to Dr. Michael Vawter, my brother.  That was an initial embarrassment; but we soon got over it, because we realized that our daughter’s treatment and sobriety were far more important than any negative thoughts people might have.  Indeed, we have learned that if people cannot be constructive and helpful, we do not need them in our lives.  We needed encouragement, not discouragement. 

The very next morning, after checking her into the hospital, with desolate feelings of depression, fear and loneliness, my wife and I went to a Nar-Anon meeting, a support group for people whose loved ones use drugs.  I thought, “What in the world am I doing here?  I am a pastor.  I do not need help.”  But, I did.  As I listened to others share their stories, I realized this was a group of people who were all committed to getting or staying healthy, supporting one another and helping each participant know that the family member is responsible for his/her own well-being and must “love the addict, but leave him/her in God’s hands.”  

Thankfully, our daughter is “clean and sober”, has graduated from college with honors, works with delinquent girls and is ready to start her Masters degree.  She also attends Alcoholics Anonymous meetings regularly.  She knows that sobriety is one day at a time; it is a daily walk of faith.  She is a living testimony of what God can and will do in a person’s life if they will admit their addiction and their need for Him to work in her life. 

For Susan and me, the recovering addicts in the church came out of the woodwork to help us.  The love and ministry of these wonderful people helped us understand that it is what we keep in secret that keeps us from getting well.  So we do not hide the fact that our daughter is a recovering addict.  We have also learned that we are not to blame for Stephanie’s mistakes.  As she says, “You taught me the right way.  I am the one who made the wrong decisions.” 

If you have read this far you probably have someone in your life who is abusing drugs or alcohol.  I know personally how devastating that can be.  I encourage you not to give up hope. I encourage you to live one day at a time.  I also strongly encourage you to seek help; this is not something that families should try to solve on their own.  If we can be of help, please feel free to call us at (480)752-8994.

Rev. Dr. John Vawter